PARTYworlD Lif3~

Dayz suddenly change.

2005-10-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday grandma pass away...feel very sudden. than now i feeling damn confused...over everything also..... about life... what am i gonna do...what is my life going on, and what should i do now.

Love really drain mi off... the pain inside of my heart keeps returning and i feel that life is getting more and more tiring and when the pain comes, i don't know what i should do anymore. dunno le...haben slp very long le...think i go slp...wishing everything will be alright...dreaming tat is... how long will i again wake up from my dream... a dream to love and get to be loved. when will i wake...wake wake wake..~

Hamburger .... :S

2005-09-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

Tired... i dun wanna stay at home ....i wanna slp in party world.... headache...now being the hamburger between mi parents and mi grandma.... grandma who smks one pack a day = bang mi door 7 za 8 za... to call mi buy for her cigi and sweets.... now i also dunno wat to do also... just now morning than come home nia ...went out wif kat, mirai and jay to west coast there play dai dee ...etc...

But all for the sake of seeing someone i like.... tired am i but seeing her makes it worth while sometimes... but to this extend of relationship, i think i am pretty sure its always the same de... no one will love mi ever... just another wishful hope of another side of mi....

Really very tired of life le.... stress keeps building up to mi since school starts all that.... dunno wat to do anymore... only can take a step at a time... and try to lun the stress le... think of getting a tattoo writing zombie or some sort... feels like i am just born to suffer de~ sianz le... dun write le...~

Starts school le~~

2005-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

Now at school writing blog..damn sianz cause agar understand everything also...hmmm...go home than write more~

Just as i expected~~

2005-08-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hmmm..so many days of pain again... but than yesterday night was almost nia... break down awhile when kat scolded mi all those things like i really actually wanna irritated her like tat.... dun speak to her than she say disappointed in mi...speak to her and tell her y on wat she wanna know than she get irritated....cowz man...i really sux at gals... dunno wat gals actually wan de~~ than yesterday while smking and over stress, i burn mi wrist over and over again..... now got red red mark liao le.... fcking pain but the pain really at least take out a bit of the stresss making mi feel more better a while... although stupid, i almost cut mi wrist also... fcking lame liaoz me.... i put the knife at mi hand...thinking tinking tinking than the more i think the more i press the knife on mi wrist.....till very very pain but haben got blood than i realise it when i drop mi cigi on mi wrist and stun mi suddenly...almost pacnic when i almost slice mi wrist...but hengz ba i guess...or else i now agar in hospital liaoz le~

Than today at 5pm before work...kat message mi not to send her sms that irritate her ba...i tink i overdone it this time le...saying the crap about i love her.... now this world really cannot say i love u...the 3 ban words are now in mi mind not to tell gals again tat 3 words le......at first i thought it out le.... dunno can treat as nothing happen than go to work and maybe still can like tok normally to kat... but than the expression really hurt mi abit and make mi scared thru out the whole day~~ than whole day i tok to her really a bit xin ku..think still need time to settle this issue first... hope like tat time she will auto like shout to me...bu li wo le meh~~ tat makes mi happy really at that time...but this time i dun hope much also.....`~~ i think will take very very long le...but i gotta study le....so no time to think and brood over love again le...wats mine will be mine.... althought i love her...if she found another so be it..tats life de~~

Worst thing today is i sore throat than till keep wanting to vomit...than gives mi such a big headache...than neber tok much to anyone in ktv except guobin i still can tok to~~~ See kat see kat... i dunno wat to do really..dunno wat she wants ....~~ maybe alot of things i did not suppose to do...somemore i added to her stress when she said she now not stable... than i should leave it le... last yesterday she dear dear dear CK~~ make mi feel jealous liaoz tats y maybe i kanna scared again than did all tat and finally come down to this~

Tomolo have to meet marcus at great world for a while to eat, than maybe meet raymond to pass his hongkee to him, than 3.30 meet the jessie once again..but think is last time liaoz also...just a normal take things and go that kind de.....than head to clementi for IPPT than hmmmm....let mi see~~~ let me see....dunno wanna put things at party world anot first... a bit gian wanna see kat, but i tink not ba~~~~~!! hope i can clear ippt tomolo.... if tio a sliver is really a great prize le.. but i 1 year plus neber go train and neber go run run liaoz... ji tao die liaoz la tomolo.... wahahha.. going crazy soon le.. think i eat panadol than go run mi ippt ...like tat wun so much headache and stress de~~ :D okie le...write beri beri long le... hope my life everyday ~~ yi lu shun feng ba~!

ya...guess thats just it le~

2005-08-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

Dun wanna worry so much liaoz...long time since i update liaoz le also....hese past few days quite fun, but i did alot of thinking and finally back to sq 1.... how could she ever be interested in mi also hor~? wat am i also...i sux at relationship and now it turns to this, i tink better not fall into another relationship yet....cause if bad things happen which are already even we are not together also....... i think i cannot handle love situations de~~

Now i tried and tried not to even look at her at work... and seems mi body will avoid her, mind keep tinking of her still...sux liaoz....argh....but i wan this job also....dunno liaoz..taking a step at a time also le~~ ciaoz~

is not about giving up or wat le~

2005-08-02T14:14:00.000-07:00

*** Hmmm...its not about giving who up and wats everything about, but main point that pple always forget is that as long the person u love is happy, you can do anything for him/her....sometimes love tends to lead to selfishness...thats y pple get angry easyly...of course human nature needs to wan some love...sometimes out of selfishness..... humans will wan more and more...in the end, without understanding one another enough, hearts will tend to break~ ***

Today tuesday, my off day..than pei her go see doc....hmmm...a bit worried for her, but than hope she listens and take care well sia~~~ than hope she gets well than i can put a peace of my mind le~~~ than putting into my heart that wat should i do, instead of forget forget and not to love, now i love....in a very different way.... seeing someone happy really makes mi glad. Not having her will be a challenge to me.... sort of a training for my broken heart....if one day she should be gone in my life, be it i will break down. but its all a part of life~

giving up

2005-07-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

Hard to do, but i dun wanna break my heart and somemore hurt others ...so i tink the best way is not to love anymore...these 5days a bit tired from hangovers all that, but i tink i getting used to being loved for a month..so i dun expect much from her also...kat...haiz.....~~ really dunno wat to say le... but i tink its just a pity from her to me tat she says that she a bit interested in me only... but really i tink that its not true... i dun believe anyone it seems~

Heart broken enough am i, i feel a bit selfish not wanting to be hurt all over again and again~ if to be hurt, i rather be lonely just like all my life, being an anti-social guy that does not tok...maybe i should not tok so much also~ lazy to write le~~ wanna slp liaoz..~

damn tired ahhh!!

2005-07-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...just came back home...na bei...go bath come back than know my fan just blown off ...damn tired ahh!! den now still so hot ! ccb... sianz~ a bit sweating...think i better faster slp tonight cause tired and dun wanna hot till tu lang also.~

than today busy like siao also..~~ alot of drinks to do and somemore all the floors got 2 person nia~ that keith dunno also wat happen sia.. neber come somemore, lucky i not same floor wif him, but still somesort busy at mi own 3rd floor also~~ hot hot hot!!! hot like fire!!

Than just now tired than see kat... i feel like hugging her leh~ dunno y.. but i dun do tat than i just siam one side go orh orh till they finish and off work ~~ hmmm... than at cab sit besides kat a bit dunno wat to do, but i dun wanna care so much so i just like doze off~~ hmm...tomolo she off than i just concentrate on my work to pass time le~ sianz... dunno she tomolo will come down to party world anot also~ haiz~~ i go slp le~ ZZZZZZZzzzz

weeee

2005-07-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

hmmm.. think i really gonna like kat liaoz...cause dunno y she happy i'll happy...she sad, i hope to do something for her...but now its like i am still stuck in the middle waiting for nothing...or maybe something to happen...~~ haiz... i love her i love her...but i scared still~~ life is such a bother...dunno wat to do now..... time will show everything, in the mean time, i just ponder and day dream ba~~

Really...

2005-07-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

Really seems that i a bit fall in love wif kat le... but all i wanna do now is to care for her, nothing else seems to matter who she wanna be wif. Even if she will choose nicolas, i think i can also get over it le. Cause i know loving someone doesn't mean shes got to be mine. Sad as it is, if ever she loved me, i will be thankful enough for a place in her heart.

Rememebering the memories left behind in the past, i sort of dun wanna blame anyone for it, but just wanna leave things the way they are now. Of course if met on the streets, which i dunno wat will happen, i think that all i wanna do by than is just a smile on the face, a hi and bye...thats all..~

Long time since i write into this blog also le. Quite busy thinking of kat, is she someone i will really love? or issit that i just need someone...anyone for love also... that i really dun know yet.~ but hoping she will love me?~ nope... i dun wan to hope 2 much. just a tiny bit will do~~ if she really do get touched by me and fall in love wif me, i tink its just a wonderful bonus...Now just hope she can trust me.....~~ where will this go? am i good enough for her? presently..no... but in future, i will give my best shot to the woman i loved most..~ will it be kat? or another woman...who really knows...~~~~~~

*** Love~ everyone wants to be love by someone~ hope? humans hope in order to survive~ ***

eh~?

2005-07-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

hmmm...yesterday quite happy but still lost, about mi and kat ah...i dunno she will like mi anot, although i tell myself not to, it keeps coming to my mind...than today at work i feel very weird a bit... dunno y, den she somemore ask mi how come today i so silent also...wanna shout out loud sometimes do u love me, do u even like me~!? haiz....stupid sia...always get this kind of problem one after another.... must siam her liaoz i tink, now nicolas back in party world....

I think she will still like him back de ba~! dun care anything else le.... love is not for me.... as long other pple happy, i live in their shadow of happinesss can liaoz~!

Gan Ni Na Bu LA~!

2005-07-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

ccb ccb ccb ccb.. si bei tu lang...kan na de keith cb, Hor Gaou Gan ...na bei... hor mao puu....arghhhhhh....blog ah!! si bei tu lang sia...at work place almost cannot ta han him le.... i really dunno wat should i do liaoz...to lun him or wat? if lun, till when wor...cannot tio wif him also.. now si bei headache... dunno how many days like tat le... super cb act senior de... even captain guoping and ben i really respect de as senior and they neber use that upon mi.! wah liaoz...

If senior tell mi thing to do i will do, tell mi all the things... neber do he for his own sake nia...fucking selffish de ccb. still pissed off since 10.30pm....fucker give mi attitute!! nicely say " eh ... 1st floor so fast top up?" neber reply... ... never mind that. ask wat he doing wif pail cause i need to help wee cheng wash the tea thingy.... than bloody give mi attitude and face say in sarcastic that he fill bucket wif water la!! wah liaoz eh... si bei tu lang~!! that ccb. ccb ..CBB!!!! CHAO CHEE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still backstab mi somemore.... neber mind. sit cab show mi attitude again... neber mind liaoz...sure sure must lun...sorry blog for all this....this really sux! tomolo lucky i off... or else die die liaoz le.... today already almost wack him le...think all the stuff i will do make mi more tu lang liaoz...yet still must lun!! LUN LUN LUN!~!~ i still wan mi job... one person make mi lose this job i will sure jia luck. ARghhh.... wat to do liaoz le~ think tomolo nicolas come, that keith will sure take a step of backstab at mi...~~~

I think another person i predict when i return from off on tuesday, maybe nicolas will give mi face at the start de. If that is keith backstab mi again... but i tink i lun, i dun wish to be so much of a backstabber also.. that ain't mi~! hope that the closenest between mi and kat wun affect work place attitude also. If cause of love once more i get down, its hard to climb back up le~ gambare andrEW!!! GAMBARE!! dun care! keith is not worth to get upset for!!! get it!??

Tomolo think i go out early in the afternoon than claim taxi fare first than think of wat to do also le~

slp slp ~

2005-07-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yawnz.... 2.30pm wake up le, haiz yesterday at ktv drunk 2 much beer le also....drinking will forget worries, yeah..tats y i drink and drunk overshot my limit amount. at least if rest a while or nua till morning i will not vomit de, but sit in the cab,,,shake till like mi stomach got beer foam.. than bo bian~

Yesterday got a bit of nightmare, dreaming of the same old thing again that no one loves me de... this sux sia... lao bei lao bu AH~~!!! so old liaoz still no one wan mi.. sux~!!

ChiongZ

2005-07-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...today wake kat up at 12pm..than scared she late for work again sia~! than continue slp slp slp till 6pm, than i go mi sister's house to see bima,brownie and vicky(DOGS) so kawaiii~~

Than around 11.30 i leave mi sis de house than head off to party world again le to meet kat and delon b4 going to Music underground to chiongz....not bad la go chiongz than 4am close ma..than nua till 6am, take cab home. At cab, see kat like kitten like tat... haiz.... shit man.. no no no no no no no no no no...dun fall in love so easy~! argh... ~ haiz..xin beri fan. than somemore the cab song is love song: zhui ai ni de ren shi wo...... than make mi think of mi past... wat a let down gals are~! ai yo yo yo yo~!! wats really wrong wif mi de. i really dunno tat am i tat sux in relationship?

Even if i now i admit i like kat, sure no use, even got use, i also dunno wat can i give her also. For now i can give her nothing also. a no use guy tat hopes? no... theres no hope i rather choose. suan le ba~ ps: to mi self ...dun think about love. love sux~!

Dizzy~

2005-07-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

Shy sia...just now at work stay awhile than tio suan siao sia~!about mi and kat, than argh!!! dun wanna say le...later face turn red again, but than tink about it, i still not willing to fall in love, still got the pain in my heart. So i really dunno wat to do even thou i like someone. Guess this is fae playing mi ba.... how long will love actually last?

Sure no one will like mi de~ tat than i believe. Can't really put 100% trust and take it easy... sure must be aware to stop myself from getting hurt, or get another person getting hurt just cause of mi alone. Tat really sux de~ now is 80% i am aware that i should not fall in love anyhow... 20% to just get a relax as more than fren... maybe counted buddy or wat i dunno.. dun wanna go 2 far off~

Hmmm.. than for love now, i dun wanna thnk about it first.... dun think even pple will like mi de~ no no no no no ~ no pple will like mi.. (gotta get it in my mind)!!

4am~~ argh...dunno is kat really or just trying to make mi say i like her...hmmm...but dunno also...headache...even thou i like her, i dun wanna say out. Cause i scarly she treat mi as a fling also i dunno, than i really dun wanna bother about love side, cause once i in love, or out of love, my profession will go chaos...if break or fall out of in love is the most terrible part... now shes not mine, not ever, not in future which i tink, i will much more be fine~ (sorry for being selfish)
Love is trouble~

Work work work work work work work~ :D

2005-07-12T12:34:00.000-07:00

Hmmm..today work 3rd floor..wahz..power! :D haha...today its like even thou busy, but i am happy wif mi self that i can do it all~ :D hehe... than at night meet kat, cause she come down sing ktv also wif her frenz, wow man...got one customer ask mi got see her b4 sia~! wahahaha...than i remember her face also ...than like smile smile like tat sia :P heard she told her fren wat i very shy shy de i like waH!! >.< sia~ :D

After work, share cab wif kat and wee cheng, cause i also dun wanna stay around tat kh for long also..so many pple tu lang him le... i also cannot take it liaoz~ hmmm..than now back at home, 4am le..think i go orh orh le ba~! :D

Tired

2005-07-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

Huff puff...wahz...just now after work go ktv sia~ go kbox~ lol..than sing till i sore throat wor! huff puff...than go wif xueying,chap and kat. Hmmmm...today at work also beri funny and fun, but dunno y i today like a bit of moody ba? i guess....dunno wats happening to me again... all i know cause yesterday that guoping and xueying say wat i like kat...than its like i dunnno wats happening also le~ it seems to mi i tell miself tat i like her, yes i do but not to love also ba i guess.... i dunno also le~ and thinking about sad relationships,

Love is really a headache and once more i tink sometimes i feel very lonely de. haiz....dunno wat to do also le...... now 6.30am liaoz..just reach home from kbox, than feel like slping soon also le. Listen to love songs, more dam lonely, feel tat i better not go chase gals also de. cause when i do, they wun love and like mi also, for mi and kat, i think maintain the fren relationship also ba...dun wan it to like weird weird also sia~

Yawnzz...k le...go slp le...dun bother again about problems, wats mine will be mine, not mine however optimistic i be also no use de~ k le. jiAnZ~!

wow~

2005-07-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

Wow...today quite special, today was wee cheng de birthday, than we today can stay at the ktv :D~!! hehee...fun fun fun~!! then althought today ah yi scared us in the afternoon till night time wor~!!! cause kat and guo ping was late sia~! :S wahahaha.... than she tu lang till night time wor! :P than lucky gonna off work that time she than okie back to normal le than i also happy. :D worry cause she like tat angry than not that frendly, make mi feel scared also le~

Than just now sing ktv wif kat, than go down buy food wif her, than go up liaoz share food wif her, than sing another duet song wif her all tat, hmmmmmmm...remembering the things guobing, xueying said that i will really like kat and kat will like mi de....hmmm...i dunno also, just let fate decide whether we will be together ba~ i also dunno anything about love sia~ just tat even if i really like kat, i dunno will i be good enough for her anot sia~ than somemore i dunno she have already forget nicolas anot liaoz anot, i taken alot of risk, so i dun dare still to take another risk le....

Let fate decide and let time decide ba~ hope i study that time than got time also to spend cause if really i like kat and she likes mi than maybe than i will chase her ba~ bu for now, i just will be her best fren ba, i now dun dare to fall in love so i dun really care tat much de~ :D (good for mi cause i dun need to think tat much also de)

Weird~

2005-07-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

Is it me?? but i am getting a bit soft hearted again, dunno y sia~ than worry about kat...ehh....hope she carry on fine ba after hearing her problems..... Hmmmm...is not say pity her or wat, but can just say i maybe like her or treat her as a smaller sis, i feel like wanted to take care of her ~ (not dirty minded anyway) than hear y she need to stay till morning than i know cause of her family problem de.

Sometimes i tink am i lucky issit or tat the world is not even fair~! Shes quite a nice gal but she neededs to feed her family also de~! Haiz... thinking of my future career, i must really gambare and work hard so i can feed my family and maybe if only i could get a wife somehow ba~ Just came home after 5am ~ sing ktv and drink till i luan~, than kat sleeping in rm 1, dun wanna disturb her after hearing her issues, hope tat she will have a good life soon ba!

now 6am le...i reach home after 15mins, bathing and meanwhile writing this blog, its 6am and i am hungry, eating the leftovers after this blog, hope i slp le, 1.30pm must wake up kat also......later she overslept also....still~, till now i dunno i treating her as a wat sia~ but i really dunnno le.... perherps i should treat her like my best buddy in the world like daniel, cause knowing her, i can feel she trust in mi in her problems so i must do watever i can to maintain the trust and frenship i have between she and mi, hope everyone lives a good life ba~!

Another day passing by~

2005-07-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

Sianz...another day passes by again, now back at home slacking and writing this before i slp...today at work i was star boy, have to buy the stupid food for everyone and like i buy than all so ma fan wan this and tat.... never mind tat, on top of tat ...tat keith come and piss mi off again.....cannot recall how many times le... 2 much times till i dun wanna care also getting pissed off by him le.

Think maybe tomolo come again i tink i cannot take it anymore le....reminds mi of the past when i threw a hammer when pple piss mi off.~~ tats lee shijie... bugger who wun shut up and pissed mi off... and also another lee jian hong...whom i almost use a dagger to stab wif 2~ , Haiz..good guys are hard to be. The more i be, more pple wanna eat mi de.

Than before work tat mother fucker maid wan mi to gib house number...think i stupid sia... give liaoz than the family call = mi bill siao lor! na bei de...really i hate being a nice guy sometimes....i tink i flare up will be chaos again le... Than actually gonna go chiong wif kat de, but decide not to le also...firstly is tu lang still about that keith thingy, than another is no mood to go also le~ now these few days a bit moody dunno y also... even thou miss someone badly but cannot make meself miss...must keep myself busy wif work so i dun tink 2 much de.

**Life is so hard, y was i born, i hate my life, should i be a bad guy 2? a Good guy always tio eat, be a good fren also hard to be, When will i ever have a good life? dun think i will ever will.

Tired~~~

2005-07-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

Wahz...today damn tired, than morning meet kat go pei her cut hair, but she cooking for her sister so i wait for her at jurong point. Played 1 round of ddr...a bit tired sia...long time neber play le also...feel so old sia~~!!

Than go jurong west there cut hair le...kat look so lady like now rather than a ah lian like tat...feel much more mature also. But she keep saying a bit weird all tat... lol wanna laugh sia~! Hmmm...than after finish cutting her hair, than we go eat at there le than go wif her to clementi choose hair dye for her~ make mi gian also wanna dye, but work place cannot sia!! :(

Hmmm...than after work really dam tired cause so much things to do also esp the fReeZe!!! so many sia~! hmmmmm...sot sot de ah bell they all ....like say wat me and kat are having a leg sia! hmmm... dun wanna be in love...i gave up on love le~!! no one loves me and tats that! really dun wanna go tat far off also.

Although i badly want someone to love, to hug, and wan someone to love me, really really i tink theres no one in the world tat can do tat de. Love have left me a scar ...a scar that can't be patched anymore....although i tried to be optismistic, but love have always let me down. tried to impressed, do all i can. yet none have love me. Dun wan to try so hard le.. i dun even bother! :|

What is happening sia?~?

2005-07-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm...am i in love? or am i just concern as a friend...... hmmm...i better not get myself into a relationship again...today was quite happy...i guess i treat her like my female buddy ba~~hmmmm..dun think so much also sia~ hmmm..take a step at a time.

Than tomolo meeting kat i tink at 12 at jurong to go out....go out wif mi buddy i guess and i remain as buddy....cause i dun intend to go into a relationship also de... no one loves mi de...so unless a gal tell mi from her heart tat she needs me, than maybe i will go into a relationship wif her~ but not i dao~ is i got scar in my heart le...tend not to fall in love and tell the person directly... boat to the bridge will eventually be straight de~ k le...go slp liaoz...yawnz~~! sing at ktv till i luan~ :D

Want to get another life le~

2005-07-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...today felt like creating a "new Blog" again...so far this one ish my ... ... ...ehhhhh... 6th blog liaoz i tink, frenster one i del off le...damn tu lang about pple knowing my things esp the one i love who neber love me actually...dam the one sided love. nbcb...really dun wanna bother about anything in the world le... just earn my money, study hard, get a job, buy a house after 2 years like tat, than maybe take my car lisencse and then buy car le....~ now no bother about bgr affairs of the heart.

Dun love me?~ fuck off! i dun really wanna bother about u le. meanwhile, passing my time at party world Ktv (clementi), very fun working there, sort of i like it when its semi busy, cause i dun really think about my problems esp when i kinda miss pple, i keep concentrate on doing things and keep myself busy. Long time neber meet my kakis le...its like i really vanished into thin air le also, now i will keep my dam promise that i vanished, just like xintian, that vanished on me. Now i sort of felt like a jerk than i blocked, del off the one that i loved who dun love me back, but than i dun want to waste my time on these stuffz....wats mine will be mine eventually.... but i dun think i will be meeting jessie anymore in my life, even so, i think i will just go away...yes...go away i will do de.

Today was late for work, but lucky ah yi dun really bother about it, but i write still that i was late wif a sorry remark... dunno she got see anot sia~~ wahahha...stupid traffic jam...na beix!!! haiz mi late for work. Than think i day after tomolo go for that i model thingy...long time neber act in advertisment and commercial also liaoz le... at kimyoon, was fun acting in mediacrop tcs. but than now i sort of lazy go till toapayoh there early in the morning le. k le...tomolo than i write in again le.~~ (1st Blog new post!)